i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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