She just used a chaser for red wine.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
