Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
