I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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