ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
