Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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