I just pynch a tree in the face
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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