No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
