We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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