I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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