Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
