Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
