it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
