you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize