It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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