My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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