why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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