I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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