Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
