So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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