this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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