the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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