I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
