My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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