oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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