They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize