they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
