Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
