im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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