Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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