Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
