I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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