i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
