is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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