so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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