My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
