if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
