so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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