Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
