Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.