I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.