i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
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Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?