Texts From Last Night

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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

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  (647): Get out of your relationship and into my pants. http://tfl.nu/sn5l
  Replies (45) Good night (23487) Bad night (1402)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock

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  (609): Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock http://tfl.nu/dnop
  Replies (6) Good night (4896) Bad night (1285)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful

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  (816): Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful http://tfl.nu/oafq
  Replies (19) Good night (7403) Bad night (1115)
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  (619): View more from California

  he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days

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  (619): he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days http://tfl.nu/5mt6
  Replies (10) Good night (4884) Bad night (1260)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.

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  (202): the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine. http://tfl.nu/yvwg
  Replies (15) Good night (1230) Bad night (5446)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg

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  (509): I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg http://tfl.nu/tr8k
  Replies (6) Good night (2302) Bad night (867)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....

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  (502): She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage.... http://tfl.nu/ha8c
  Replies (6) Good night (2868) Bad night (1228)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.

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  (201): He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty. http://tfl.nu/jiec
  Replies (3) Good night (1977) Bad night (1020)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.

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  (508): You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up. http://tfl.nu/f7oz
  Replies (4) Good night (2069) Bad night (532)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah...that's gonna come up in court

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  (816): yeah...that's gonna come up in court http://tfl.nu/wily
  Replies (3) Good night (988) Bad night (729)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this

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  (703): So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this http://tfl.nu/pt0i
  Replies (6) Good night (1137) Bad night (506)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.

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  (202): You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself. http://tfl.nu/1zzq
  Replies (11) Good night (628) Bad night (1756)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover

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  (815): Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover http://tfl.nu/dbpl
  Replies (4) Good night (924) Bad night (714)
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  (805): View more from California

  Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.

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  (805): Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING. http://tfl.nu/oyjz
  Replies (9) Good night (730) Bad night (381)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You are one with the wind and sky, bro.

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  (832): You are one with the wind and sky, bro. http://tfl.nu/zjyi
  Replies (2) Good night (504) Bad night (189)

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