I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.