I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here