M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science