After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
