Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Help me help you realize you are a moron