have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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