im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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