I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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