I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
