i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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