Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
