I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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