Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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