She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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