this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
