Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
