I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
