I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
