i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
