Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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