there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
