I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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