I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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