I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
