fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
