no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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