Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
as a side note pls kill me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
