I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
