im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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