dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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