Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
