spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
